With all my jokes and comments around my constant baby fever and desire for a larger family, it is surreal that I’m even writing this right now.
A lot has changed in my life over the past year- I’ve relocated to a different country practically by myself, a huge decision to make with my young son in tow. My husband, John, joined us in November and it really has been a challenge for all of us but we’re finally settling in and building our new life.
My desires to increase our family, luckily, were supported by John who was also keen on the idea of having another baby. We had always wanted our children close in age to each other but with the changes we had to make, a new baby simply did not fit into those plans.
Needless to say, once we agreed we were on the same page we started trying. With my son, Liam, the news of the pregnancy came as complete shock to both of us; he wasn’t planned, he hadn’t even been a thought. It was surprising news with even more shocking timing at that current point in our relationship but we embraced the journey and what a ride it has been. The “trying” game was completely unchartered territory for us and I personally felt the difference in a number of ways.
The Wait– The waiting game had to be the most nail-biting part of the entire experience. Safe to say, after almost a year of being apart, we had a bit of making up to do… if you know what I mean. But, there was still the understanding of the greater mission at hand. With Liam, we had no time to think, to wait or to anticipate, he was there and that was that. With this pregnancy, although I feel like there were a lot of setbacks initially, in hindsight, I realise we actually hadn’t been trying for that long at all. But, it literally felt like forever.
The Disappointment– In the space of the three months it took us to conceive, I probably took 6 pregnancy tests; some I took in secret and all of them were negative. I was extremely eager to begin this journey so much like my mind, my body started to play tricks on me. All of the tell-tale signs of pregnancy and the best times to take a test floating around on websites and pregnancy forums, I ignored. And every negative test was extremely disappointing. With Liam being so spontaneous, we didn’t have the opportunity to do any at-home testing so this time around, this aspect of the journey was extremely disheartening, almost to the point of just giving up. Ironically, it was the eventual “whatever happens, happens” approach which led to success.
The Positive Test– During this journey, I decided to download the period tracker app, Flo, to better track my menstrual cycles and best chances of conceiving. You know the girl who goes to the doctor and can never track her menstrual cycle more than 1-2 cycles back? Well, I’m that girl. Once downloaded, I luckily, was quite sure of my last cycle dates and once entered, the app indicated I was 3 days late.
I was not convinced. So, naturally, I entered this date into 5 separate online menstrual trackers, you know, to be absolutely sure. The results were the same. I was late. On what would’ve been my 6th late day, I took a test. I decided on the Clear Blue test which presents the results with the actual word and even predicts how many weeks you may be. You know, just to be sure. It took a little while to generate, but it could not be mistaken. There was no searching for the faint appearance of a second line or distinguishing between a minus or a plus, because clear as day on the screen was the word “Pregnant”. And, I cried, happy tears of course- I could not believe this was real but the feeling was euphoric.
As I anticipate the journey and arrival of this new baby, I am constantly comparing the two experiences from conception. Both pregnancies began with fears and uncertainties for very different reasons but as I write this in my tenth week of pregnancy, I can’t help but think of all that’s to come. Planned or unplanned, I feel extremely blessed to be having this experience again. I also feel a lot stronger and more in control of my journey, and more sure in my ability to absolutely nail this pregnancy.
Baby number 2, I’m ready for you!