Baby Fever

For those of you who think “baby fever” doesn’t apply to someone who JUST had a baby- think again. It’s true, in my previous posts I didn’t have anything good to say about the experience of being pregnant and the delivery, but the more time I spend being a mum to Liam, who is growing up way too fast for my liking, the more I think about having another baby. So soon? I know. Originally, I had always said that if and when I had children, I would want to have them no more than a year apart. This was based on the provision that I made it where I wanted to in life like finishing school and moving back home to England, etc.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans for me.

Now that Liam has entered my life on the terms he did, I know my plan is out of the question. But I still think about it. Like, what if? What if another “accident” happens and I become pregnant again?

What if I have a miracle baby at random? Fat chance.

After I had Liam, I had to reevaluate my birth control methods. I knew if I couldn’t even keep track of my pill-taking before I was pregnant, there was no way in hell I was going to be able to keep track of my birth control pills after a baby. I’m still on a 90 day vitamin regime that I started when Liam was born. Liam is now five going on six months old. Do the math. Birth control options were few and far between for me. I had always heard about the intrauterine method, but despite the pros, the fact that it can dislodge itself and possibly find itself trying to leave my uterus was enough of a con for me.  Thanks, but no thanks.  The best option for me was the injection although I was terrified of ass shots. Those things hurt like a bitch. However, I mentally weighed the options of  the jab of a needle in my bottom versus pushing out another baby and suddenly, the idea didn’t seem quite that bad.

“I’ll have a shot of Depo-Provera in the bum, please”.

My doctor mentioned to me the whole “breastfeeding birth control method” otherwise known as the lactation amenorrhea method (LAM). Try saying that three times fast. While I had read up on it previous to this discussion and had some confidence in it, John was not convinced. Whenever I brought it up, he didn’t want to hear it. As far as he was concerned, LAM did not exist. I can’t say I blamed him. We got pregnant while I was technically still on birth control, if we ignore the fact that I was not only horrible at taking it but also horrible at replenishing it once it ran out. There was no way he was going to accept the “baby conceived under birth control” sucking on my breast as a reliable form of contraception. Eventually, I had the shot done and it wasn’t half as bad as I had imagined. And it seems to be working with little to no side effects. No babies here!

However, the baby fever is still alive and kicking.

People around me who meet Liam are catching that baby fever really quick. If I had a pregnancy wheel spin for every time I heard, “Aww, he’s giving me baby fever”, I’d probably be pregnant already. But, I totally get it. Working in retail, I come across many couples or families with newborns or babies and I can’t help but gush. They don’t have to be newborn either; the random waddling toddler still gets me right in the uterus. When I hug Liam and feel his soft skin against mine and his little hands grabbing my face to gum my cheek, I have to resist the urge to shove him back into my womb and scream, “Start over!”

Literally.

I mean it, I kind of wish I could start over. Well, not exactly from the beginning. I’m happy to skip the whole pregnancy and labour part and get right to the baby stuff. As I realise that within a few weeks my little Liam is going to reach his six-month milestone, it dawns on me how much time really flies when you’re having fun. And I am. I love being a mother so much I’m actually willing to do it all over again. I guess it’s true what I’ve been told- once you have a baby you forget the bad experience.

Well, to an extent. Quite frankly, I don’t think I’ll ever forget- how do you forget your body feeling like it’s being ripped in half from the inside out?

You don’t.

Despite this, I can honestly say that having a baby truly changes my perspectives on not only labour but everything in life as it is.

It’s true what they say. Having a baby changes your life.

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