In my post, “There’s a Baby in There?”, I shared how my pregnancy made me super emotional. Well, four months after the birth of Liam, I can’t say much has changed. I’m not quite bawling at cat videos anymore, but I’m coming quite close. I have always been a sensitive person, but as a mother, I feel like my sensitivity has not only heightened but is so much more widespread as well.
And no, it has nothing to do with my hormones.
I think it has a lot to do with my maternal instinct being extended to other areas of my life. As far as videos with children go, I am practically an ‘advocate for the children’ in my mind. I can’t bear to watch an entire video of children in any other mood but happy and content. Crying babies? Even in the funniest of circumstances, their tears still pull at my heartstrings. Seeing people in general suffering breaks open the flood gates. It isn’t only sad videos that I react to with emphasised emotion, but the happy videos as well. Even content containing baby animals gets replayed more times than necessary with the repetitive “Awww, so frigging cute!”.
Now, don’t get me wrong- I don’t view everything with “mummy vision”. Becoming a mother hasn’t turned me into a complete shrewd. I can still find humour in prank videos to an extent, but I also watch them with so much more awareness to other possible outcomes. Ugh, such a mom! I have yet to decide if this is a good thing or bad thing. My sensitivity doesn’t stop at Youtube and Facebook videos, either. I find myself more sympathetic to other peoples situations, with and without the presence of children. Things I wasn’t always so keen to do, or often did begrudgingly I now do with genuineness and willingness.
Mother Teresa would be proud.
But it isn’t only me who seems to have found their sensitive side, or in my case, more sensitive side. It appears John has found his inner sensitivity, too. True to male characteristics, John hasn’t always been the most sensitive of people, dare I say empathetic. After venturing into various Psychology courses at University, I can honestly say, I get it. Men aren’t wired like women to explore and express their feelings. They really can’t help it. However, baby Liam seemed to have an effect on John’s softer side. From the soft kisses on the cheek, to the sparkle in his eye and glow in his smile, I’ve started to see a whole different side to John. It’s a gentleness that I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing myself. With Aava, he was great fun, but it was a different dynamic. Paternal instinct? A father’s love? Yea, I suppose so. But it melts my heart nonetheless.
A baby and his father. Bliss.
But it’s not only that. John cried. Yes, he cried. (Sorry, John.)
That may seem like quite the non-announcement, but for me, it is because John doesn’t cry. Again, in true male form, there’s nothing much that stimulates the water works for John.
Except the movie “My All-American”.
The name alone sounds like a sap movie, no? Well, it sort of wasn’t. At least not for me. But in John’s defense, the movie really was sad as hell. In a nutshell, a high school or college football player gets a scholarship to play at a University after being turned down due to not meeting height requirements. He plays really well with the team and helps them to climb the ranks of Uni football only to be diagnosed with bone cancer in his leg and have it amputated at the hip just before an important game. Depressing, right? I can admit the movie tugged on the heartstrings. But I didn’t cry; I don’t recall even tearing up. Maybe because John ended up telling me the exact point he cried at, but still. John seemed to be in shock himself like the tears falling down his face were some unusual phenomenon. I guess in a sense, for him, it was. I, however, couldn’t help but speculate that the birth of Liam and his learning to be gentle with him had piqued his soft side, just a little.
There’s a saying, “Babies are a blessing”, and while I can’t say I’m much of the spiritual type, I have to wholeheartedly agree with this statement. No matter how bad of a day I have I know that seeing Liams gummy smile and bright eyes peer into mine will erase any negativity.
I found a quote so perfect for my relationship with Liam at four months old. The way he cuddles himself into my body as if he’s literally trying to return to the womb, and I just have to share it:
“Babies are soft. Anyone looking at them can see the tender, fragile skin and know it for the rose-leaf softness that invites a finger’s touch. But when you live with them and love them, you feel the softness going inward, the round-cheeked flesh wobbly as custard, the boneless splay of the tiny hands. Their joints are melted rubber, and even when you kiss them hard, in the passion of loving their existence, your lips sink down and seem never to find bone. Holding them against you, they melt and mold, as though they might at any moment flow back into your body.”- Diane Gabaldon
There’s truly nothing like a baby’s love to spark a little sensitivity.